He knows
by TErock95
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia 'finally' declared themselves as a couple. what is going through Renji's mind? this fic is kinda depressing...


**Hello everyone! This is my first RenRuki fic…I had this idea in mind for a very long time. I love this couple but I can't really find any ways to make the 2 of them together in a fic (though I do believe they would be together in the end). And that's it…I do not own bleach.**

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><p><em> "This will be my last confession,<em>

_ ' I love you' never felt like any blessing…" _

(Heavy In your arms ,Florence & The machine)

_'so that's it, '_ he thought, _'it finally happened.'_

The spoken event was the fact that Rukia Kuchiki and Ichigo Kurosaki finally declared themselves officially a couple, for everyone's relief.

EVERYONE?

Oh, we wish we could say that.

But it was a fact: Renji Abarai was definitely not happy. And he's still not happy, 3 weeks later.

He had that scene in his mind ever since.

It happened in one of the Soul Society toasts. Everyone were smiling or laughing, drunk or not, when Rangiku came to Ichigo and Rukia (who were arguing about something) and asked them for the thousand's time what is the relationship between them.

Renji hoped that they would once more try to dodge the subject, (and give him by that a slight chance) but this time they gave up and made it official.

Everyone were screaming with joy, saying things like, 'I knew it!' and congratulations!'

Renji, on the other hand, was only standing aside, while his heart slowly broken to tiny pieces.

And the fact that everyone was happy did not make him feel better, to say in the least.

Ikakku came to him, patting his shoulder, saying "sorry, man" and went back to congratulate the young couple_. 'as if they were about to get married'._

Renji felt his stomach churning at that thought.

But who could blame any of them? This couple was the living proof of all the cliché romantic comedies , and he also saved her life- add that to the list, therefore, they had all the reasons In the world why they should be together.

He sighed, when once again he is counting the reasons why _he _should be with her, and not that stupid substitute shinigami.

He knows her for a longer time. He was with her in the cold streets of Rukongai. He entered the academy with her. He let her…he sighed again, he let her go.

He let her go because he knew what was best for her.

This wasn't the first time he was like this. Long ago, he also had these thoughts. Those hopes. Ichigo only made things worse.

He had those crazy dreams and fantasies , where he took her in his arms, saying, "fuck them all," and kissed her passionately **(a/n: GO, RENJI, GO!)**

But those are just dreams. And he knows it.

And right now, he is ignoring her. Avoiding her. Building this wall between them, so he won't get hurt by her again. So he won't see that smile she never gives him. So he won't need to suffer those pained screams inside him when he knows he doesn't stand a chance.

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><p>She noticed his strange behavior, of course, and she isn't quite happy about it.<p>

She hoped he would say something about her and Ichigo, after all, they knew each other for a very long time.

She didn't care WHAT, just say SOMETHING!

She didn't even knew why she cared so much about it. they met some new friends, they were in different squads. It was only natural. Problem was, she found herself thinking more of him than Ichigo._ 'why is that…?'_ she thought to herself.

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><p>His captain also wasn't quite happy about the new couple. Maybe Renji could find it as a bond between them, but Byakuya's frustration was appearing as giving him a LOT of papper work.<p>

Right now, he just served it to Byakuya, in his mansion, since he couldn't find him in the barracks and it was quite important.

His thoughts turned now to Ichigo Kurosaki, cursing his existence, when he saw that Rukia's room was open.

He knew he shouldn't, and if anyone finds him there he would be DEAD, but he had to come inside.

He saw her sleeping, staring at her sadly.

He saw that next to her bed was a picture they took in the world of the living, of him, Ichigo, and Rukia.

Ichigo and Rukia were smiling to the camera, while he just stood aside, confused.

Maybe it's always been this way. Everyone around him knows what's right, and he's just confused, not knowing what's going on. He looked at Rukia once more.

He knew everyone would hate him if they knew about his thoughts and feelings for her.

He felt a lump in his throat.

He knows he shouldn't, but he does. _'one time,'_ he wonders, _'what if just one time…'_

He leans to her ear, and whispers, "I love you," and with that he walks out of the room.

He knows he doesn't have a chance.

He knows it's all lost.

But what he doesn't know, is that she was awake.

And that she did heard him.

And his words continue to echo in her head as a single tear falls past her cheek.

**So that's the end of the fic ~sheds a tear~.**

**I thought about continue it, but I have absolutely no idea how. to all of you curious people, I came to that idea when I wondered to myself what characters in Bleach would support, RenRuki (yaaay!) or IchiRuki. No need to tell me, I know I don't have a life. ~shrugges~ but never mind. as I said, please leave a review and have a good day.  
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